Thoughts...

Some of my thoughts as of late...

1. It may seem funny but I truly worry about how Madi, Halli, Lexi and Briele are going to handle with me having a baby!  For so long they have been the center of our lives! They have Ray & Cole at their complete disposal!  Whenever we are with them they have our undivided attention and I worry that we won't be very cool after we aren't as involved!  We most definitely will still be their biggest fans and it will take work to keep up the same/similar attention to them but I will most definitely try!  Madi is so inquisitive and active.  She loves to play teacher and teach us all sorts of things.  She was pushing on my hugely swollen feet and watched them slowly reshape...she was mesmerized even though she kept saying "gross!".  Halli is thoughtful and caring.  She always tries to make everyone feel included.  At Halloween she put stickers on "Baby Kate" aka my belly so that she would have fun too!  She is timid yet daring.  Lexi is a ball of fire!  She doesn't stop. Ever.  She is so active and happy and energetic.  She told me the other day "your baby is sticking out...like alot!". She always keeps us on our toes with her spunky attitude!  Briele is a sweetheart.  She is always willing to share, give cuddles and is learning to be sassy!  My favorite is when she says "No way!"!  Tanner...he is just a sweet little cuddle bug!  He loves to snuggle and I love to work smiles and giggles out of him!

2.  My husband is incredible.  He has done so much to help me throughout this pregnancy.  He has given me more back/leg/foot rubs than you could even imagine.  He has listened to me rant/rave/cry/yell/plan/re-plan and more day after day with patience and understanding.  He has worked day and night to make everything perfect for me.  He has offered to paint my toenails (too bad I was too tired to take him up on it!), he has tied my shoes, fixed me whatever I wanted to eat, fetched me water, lowered my bed (so I could get in/out with ease!), finished so many projects on the house, has been excited over every little outfit/hairbow/blanket I have shown him.  He has driven me to work, gone on craving runs (lucky for him I have only sent him a 3-4 times), woken up with me at night to rub out charlie horses or to rub my back when I am uncomfortable.  He is such a good man.  He is so thoughtful of me always.  I know he is going to be such a good dad.  There is no way he couldn't be.  He has been working so many overtime hours lately and I just hate it. I hate to see him exhausted to this point.  Yet he still is willing to help me and make me feel loved.  It is so lonely being home all day alone and then having him gone all night as well.  Life is no fun like this but I know he tries to make me feel important. I love him so much!

3.  I think about the attachment I have to Raymond and my family and I worry what it will be like to have a daughter!  I already get teary eyed and short of breath when I think about returning to work after she is born.  I dread that day although I know she will be fine under the watchful eyes of her father.  I just can't imagine loving somebody so much already and I haven't even met her yet. She is our everything, everything we do each day is with her in mind.

4.  Life is about to change.  I don't know that we realize the magnitude of what is about to change.  I hate when people are stressed with their kids and they look at us and say "are you really ready for this?".  Yes we are, and we are going to be stressed and overwhelmed and frustrated at times but yes, we want this, we are ready for it, we can't believe we finally get a chance to have a child.  We have waited so long for this and although it doesn't make us any more prepared for the things to come, it does make us know without a doubt in our minds that this is exactly what we have spent the last 6 years working towards.

5.  Pregnancy is amazing.  I love being pregnant even when I don't necessarily look it or feel it.  It is just incredible to feel this little person inside of me and know that she is mine forever and that I am what is making her grow healthy and strong.  It is such an incredible process.

I am incredibly emotional these days and random to say the least but these are just some of the things I have been thinking and wanted to remember.  Now to try to sleep!